Ten Twenty Oh Nine

divorce3When I think about it….I really don’t know what to think.

ATA came over tonight (ATA means All The Above. I call him that because he is. Check off the list). I haven’t hung out with him in forever. I texted him earlier today to say hi and that I miss hanging out with him. He never texted me back, but instead called me tonight and offered to bring over my earrings.

My apt was on “Sauna” because I’m always cold, my clothes that Im washing were strewn all over the living room floor and my bedroom looked like a battlefield because Im always at work and had no time to clean this week. I frantically made my apartment look presentable and he came sooner than I expected. I was wearing the same clothes I had on from work. I looked super nice, but I should’ve changed into something more “visually appealing” for a man. LOL. Oh well.

We talked and laughed for about an hour then his phone rang. A couple minutes later he left. Clearly SHE was calling. Who is “she”. She is the woman I cannot get away from. She pops up in the life of every guy I like. She is his “love”. Trump had her, Stamina had her, Official had her and ATA has her too. It’s so frustrating! I wanna be someone’s love, but it seems every guy already has one. The girl from before he met me. The girl he can’t let go of.

I don’t understand ATA. I like him a lot though. I want to date him exclusively just me and him. But he says he’s a bad guy and he would hurt my feelings. I told him that I’ve been down that street before and I am never even going in that neighborhood again. Thank you for warning me. I normally disregard Dead End signs and Stop signs, but not anymore. It’s unfortunate though because he is wonderful.

I don’t know what to think. I’m not sure whether or not he likes me, which is normally an all-too-clear sign that he doesn’t but I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. He hasn’t gotten to know me yet. Though I’m not sure if he wants to. It seems like he feels that he already knows me. He says I’m a predictable good girl. That’s not a bad first impression to give off, but I just don’t think it’s accurate and I wish he would stick around and get to know me more. I do know one thing tho. I.Will.Not.Obsess.

I want a boyfriend. I know I do. And it is so hard for me to meet guys that I actually like. It seems that when I do meet them, the feeling is not mutual. I know I sound pitiful and I’m really not. I just want to be in love again — with someone who is in love with me of course. It seems like Mission Impossible 3.

I have not given up hope though. I’m much too young for that.

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