Disappearing Acts

disappearI had fun hanging with the [haven’t thought of a name for him yet]. He came to my apt and we chilled and talked for about two or three hours. He is tall, Christian, cute and nice and older. Sounds perfect huh? He seems like an all-around great guy. I’m not sure if he’s feeling me. I never can tell. I am relentless in hope even though he’s been doing the push/pull for a few months now. I wonder when I’ll hear from him again. Maybe I’ll hear from him before 2010.

Truthfully, guys do this to me all the time.

We hang out and have a great time (at least to me) then I don’t hear from them for a week or more. I refuse to contact a guy (more on that later) and it seems like it takes them a week — or, in Trump’s case, two weeks — to realize they haven’t talked to me. It’s weird.

I don’t need someone to call me every hour on the hour but these disappearing acts are frustrating! Doesn’t he like me enough to call me? There are guys I couldn’t pay to stop calling me and then there are those who won’t bother for weeks on end and I’m left to wonder if I should call the morgue:

Me: I was just calling to find out if there are any unidentified bodies?

Coroner: No

Me: None?

Coroner: No ma’am. The man you’re looking for is alive, well and just not that into you.

Me: Great thanks

Of course, I’ve never made that phone call, but I’ve considered it. Eventually, the guy just pops back up in my life like he never left. That is, until I get to the point where I’ll just ignore him all together. If rollercoasters make me sick, instead of trying to tear them down, I’ll just get off.

Perfect example: ATA called me today. He hasn’t contacted me since he came over a few weeks ago. Not a phone call, not a text, not a message in a bottle. So why is he calling me now? I don’t think I should call him back. I like him and I feel as though we would be great together, but he clearly doesn’t feel that way so why should I even try? One time I called him on this and he said: “we should be friends and if we were friends you wouldn’t care if I didn’t call you.” He’s right. But why am I going to pretend that I only like him as a friend? My heart drops when I see his name in my caller ID. Clearly, I like him as more than a friend. So, the best thing for me to do for my own sanity is not to call him back — even though I want to really bad. But, he has a girl he’s in love with. Where do I fit in? Nowhere. So why even try?

Why try with any of these guys?

It’s not fair to me.

I try to be friends and be cool and casual for their sake. I let them treat me how they want, so I’m not accused of “trippin”. That’s not fair though because they certainly aren’t considering my feelings, so why should I consider theirs? If a guy disappears on me, it’s up to me to make it stay that way. I demand consistency. As Gwen Stefani said “I ain’t no hollaback girl”. (Haha. I love that song!)

I know people are busy (me most of all), but if he hasn’t sent me a single BBM in weeks, then he hasn’t thought about me in weeks. All that means is that I need to forget about him.

I hope I don’t have to forget about this one.

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