The Challenge

It’s the same story. Every single time.

Well, not every single time, but definitely every time in the past 1.5 years. ย Here I am once again doin too much. Paula Deanda wrote this song for me:

I know, I know, I know. Guys like a challenge. And that right there is a challenge for me. I don’t really understand the rules to this game and just when I thought I wasn’t in the game anymore, I was disqualified. My offense: doing too much. Again.

I’m not a super nice person. I am pretty thick-skinned with a temper that goes from 0 to 100 in 3.5 seconds. Depending on the day, I am sarcastic, rude, and politically incorrect. I have a good heart though. I would never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings (unwarranted, of course). But, I’m just missing the ubernice gene….except when it comes to guys I like. If I like a guy, I’m ON it. If I don’t, then I don’t like him AT ALL. There is no in-between for me.

I need that “in-between”.

I don’t even notice myself do it, but apparently when I start to like a guy, I immediately launch into Ms. Suffocate. That’s so odd because I hate to be suffocated. No one needs their space or just likes to be left alone more than I do. But, when I like someone, apparently I’m over-complimentary and too available. I tried to combat this once by never calling a guy (I experimented with ATA). At first, I never initiated contact with him. I did this because I was always contacting Trump and that entire situation was a trainwreck . I reasoned that my contacting him all the time was partly to blame, so, I let ATA contact me. And he did. Every day. So how did it end up with him saying that he felt I was too involved and he would end up hurting my feelings?

Timeout.

I’m too involved? If he never called me, we would have never spoke! But when he did call me, I was genuinely happy to talk to him and never hid that. I complimented him and was nice to him. He was extremely argumentative, so we did argue sometimes and I mostly tried to initiate an “agree to disagree” conclusion to end the argumenr. Why so accommodating and nice? Because I liked him but I guess that was too much for him.

And now here I am again. In a position where a guy I like wants to make sure I’m keeping things realistic. That’s almost laughable to me. I’m probably the most realistic person there is — and most people confuse my realism for pessimism. But I guess he wants to make sure I don’t get carried away and expect things from him that he isn’t willing to give. Like commitment. I’m definitely not doing that. Once again, I learned that lesson from Trump. If a man doesn’t want to be tied down with me, he doesn’t want to be tied down to me. I was bound to get my feelings hurt in that situation because my feelings were too involved.

I thought this time was different.

I thought that he and I were on the same page. We like each other and it could possibly develop into more. I thought we were leaving that option open. Maybe he thinks I’m leaving the option open….and barreling toward it. I’m not.

Maybe I just make it too easy. Guys like to guess. Nothing makes a man want a woman more than when she doesn’t want him. I’m not a challenge for men I like because I don’t feel that is necessary.

Clearly it is.

Comment here or tweet me @AlissaHenryTV :)

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