Well, not every single time, but definitely every time in the past 1.5 years. Here I am once again doin too much. Paula Deanda wrote this song for me:
I know, I know, I know. Guys like a challenge. And that right there is a challenge for me. I don’t really understand the rules to this game and just when I thought I wasn’t in the game anymore, I was disqualified. My offense: doing too much. Again.
I’m not a super nice person. I am pretty thick-skinned with a temper that goes from 0 to 100 in 3.5 seconds. Depending on the day, I am sarcastic, rude, and politically incorrect. I have a good heart though. I would never intentionally hurt someone’s feelings (unwarranted, of course). But, I’m just missing the ubernice gene….except when it comes to guys I like. If I like a guy, I’m ON it. If I don’t, then I don’t like him AT ALL. There is no in-between for me.
I need that “in-between”.
I don’t even notice myself do it, but apparently when I start to like a guy, I immediately launch into Ms. Suffocate. That’s so odd because I hate to be suffocated. No one needs their space or just likes to be left alone more than I do. But, when I like someone, apparently I’m over-complimentary and too available. I tried to combat this once by never calling a guy (I experimented with ATA). At first, I never initiated contact with him. I did this because I was always contacting Trump and that entire situation was a trainwreck . I reasoned that my contacting him all the time was partly to blame, so, I let ATA contact me. And he did. Every day. So how did it end up with him saying that he felt I was too involved and he would end up hurting my feelings?
I’m too involved? If he never called me, we would have never spoke! But when he did call me, I was genuinely happy to talk to him and never hid that. I complimented him and was nice to him. He was extremely argumentative, so we did argue sometimes and I mostly tried to initiate an “agree to disagree” conclusion to end the argumenr. Why so accommodating and nice? Because I liked him but I guess that was too much for him.
And now here I am again. In a position where a guy I like wants to make sure I’m keeping things realistic. That’s almost laughable to me. I’m probably the most realistic person there is — and most people confuse my realism for pessimism. But I guess he wants to make sure I don’t get carried away and expect things from him that he isn’t willing to give. Like commitment. I’m definitely not doing that. Once again, I learned that lesson from Trump. If a man doesn’t want to be tied down with me, he doesn’t want to be tied down to me. I was bound to get my feelings hurt in that situation because my feelings were too involved.
I thought this time was different.
I thought that he and I were on the same page. We like each other and it could possibly develop into more. I thought we were leaving that option open. Maybe he thinks I’m leaving the option open….and barreling toward it. I’m not.
Maybe I just make it too easy. Guys like to guess. Nothing makes a man want a woman more than when she doesn’t want him. I’m not a challenge for men I like because I don’t feel that is necessary.
Clearly it is.