I read something interesting today. It was entitled: Ladies: Why You Can’t Keep/Find a Good Man
It was one of those typical: “Women this is all the stuff you are doing wrong. Here is what you can do to get it right and keep/find a good man”.
Of course that gets a O_O from me. I haven’t even met a guy worth a second date in months and all of this advice assumes we’ve gotten to the “cook for him stage”. There were a ton of comments on this post, but this stuck out the most from a woman named IAmNotStarJones:
“i think women get a lot of stuff dumped on them about what they are doing wrong to maintain healthy, emotionally satisfying reciprocal relationships. I don’t know why that is but I feel it’s crazy making pressure cooker of expectations and disappointment. Instead of why you can’t find/keep a good man — I wish there was more messages that said to women: value yourself whether or not you are coupled up.
that way men don’t have to date women who are seeking out men to validate their existence and women don’t have to compromise on what they expect to give in a relationship.”
Although it is grammatically crude to say so, this comment practically slapped me in the face and I began to think…
Why can’t I be like a dude? Why can’t I be super-duper fabulous and therefore inexplicably single? Why can’t my singleness be attributed to the fact that I haven’t found anyone? Why should I assume there is something wrong with me?
Forget the statistics. I would love to have a boyfriend, but if I don’t then I don’t. I’m tired of being sad over dudes who were horrible for me only because they seemed to be my only ticket to coupledom — the place that doesn’t share a border with happiness. Let’s be honest. I am single because it is hard for me to find a guy I like. So, the guys around me need to step their game up. I’m not dating a guy I am not attracted to or one that I don’t like…or one that has a girlfriend (come on, son). Unfortunately, it’s been a while since I have met a guy who is good for me — despite the men I’ve tried to force to be good for me.
It’s frustrating, but I don’t have to let it be. I have a great life and when I meet a great person…well, that will be great. But, until then (and after) I am valuing myself. I don’t need a man to validate my existence.