It’s like I turn into a different person when he is around.
Someone that I don’t like. In fact, I hate who I am when I’m with him. I hate who I have become as a result of him. I’m different. I’m not me at all. I am a shell of my former self. Vapid on the inside, I am desperate to be something or someone because I forget who I am when I am around him. My hatred of him is actually a hatred of me. I don’t know how to act, what to do, what to say, what to think so a mixture comes out: love, hate, stupidity, intelligence, happiness, sadness, anger, joy….mostly frustration. I’m frustrated. Exhausted. Tired of this entire thing. Tired of who I am when I’m with him. I want to be free.
I want to be me.