Excess Baggage in Relationships…How Much Is TOO Much?

I love airports. I like dressing up nice and hustling through the airport like I am someone important with somewhere important to go. Plus, there is always the small chance that I will spot someone truly important (esp if I’m flying out of ATL-Hartsfield airport). I like celebrity spotting (typical Ohio girl, lol)

Anyway, a few weeks ago, I was flying out of Vegas and my suitcase was exactly 50lbs. I breathed a sigh of relief when the scale stopped at 50. I am the queen of overweight luggage and usually end up having to either take stuff out of my suitcase or pay the extra money.

I remember asking my dad as a kid, “Why do they charge if your luggage is over 50lbs? Why 50 and not 55 or 45?” He shrugged and said “I don’t know, Bones. That’s the number they decided would be the maximum amount of baggage a person can carry.” He motioned to the man putting the bag on the conveyor belt, “Remember these guys have to be able to lift the luggage onto the plane.”

Now, years later as I watched the woman approve my luggage at no extra charge because it didn’t exceed the magic number of 50, I began to think…

In new relationships, how much baggage is too much baggage?

Despite my inability to do so on vacation, I travel lightly in life. I know what to pack for the future and what to leave in the past. I pretty much go from one thing to the next with nothing lingering. I’ve never been pregnant. I don’t have any diseases, criminal records, or ex-dudes I can’t let go of (or who can’t let go of me). Emotionally, I carry some of my experiences, but I use those experiences to build bridges not walls.

I think women have the unfair reputation of being “bag ladies”, but what about “bag men”? I’m fairly empty-handed, yet I always meet men who have baggage. Some have more than others.

I need to decide what’s maximum I should allow on my flight and what is too much for me to carry. At what point do I muscle the strength and accept the extra weight? At what point do I turn the man and his bags away? One kid? Three kids? An ex-girlfriend who’s not over him? An ex-fiancee he hasn’t let go of? An ex-wife he cannot stand? Hurt from a parent during his childhood that causes him to avoid closeness? An emotionally-absent mother that causes him to demand extreme closeness? A busy schedule that leaves no time for me? A poor reputation forewarning me of his womanizing ways? A HS dropout who never got it together academically? A lack of ambition? Embarrassing credit? Time served in the pen?

When is it too much?

What constitutes a carry-on? What is normal-sized luggage? And what is overweight?

Everyone has baggage, but for a relationship to take flight, how much baggage is excess baggage?

8 thoughts on “Excess Baggage in Relationships…How Much Is TOO Much?

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  1. I think you’re in denial about your own baggage. Have you read your own blog? That is baggage in itself.

    No offense. Seriously.


    1. I didn’t say I didn’t have any baggage at all. I said:
      “I’ve never been pregnant. I don’t have any diseases, criminal records, or ex-dudes I can’t let go of (or who can’t let go of me). Emotionally, I carry some of my experiences, but I use those experiences to build bridges not walls.”

      Everyone has baggage and it is up to each person to decide how much baggage is excess.


  2. Your dad calling you Bones seems like a slightly sweet and funny term of affection. Were you skinny as a kid?

    As far as baggage, I think you’re right that we all have baggage. To me, it only becomes a problem when you have so much baggage that you can’t live a productive and healthy lifestyle. Being in prison? too much…lol Having a record, but turning your life around and handling your responsibilities like you’re supposed to? Not too much. Having a two or three kids that you take care of and love? Maybe not too much. Having one kid that you do not take care of? Too Much.

    I’m not sure if I could come up with a tipping point for emotional baggage, but I think most people let you know fairly quickly if they have a lot of baggage. You may not know exactly what inside the bags initially, but you’ll know it’s there and heavy! 🙂 You just got to trust your instincts.


    1. My dad called me “Bones” because the Dr on Star Trek’s name was Bones and he said I was smart enough to earn my doctorate one day. LOL. And because I have skinny arms.


  3. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really
    something which I think I would never understand. It
    seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I’m looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!


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