The Moment I Knew: A Love Story of My Own

I used to think this “Big and Carrie” relationship was love. Now, I know it was just ridiculous.

I’ve always been a sucker for a good love story. If you want to tell someone how you met your S.O, something sweet he/she did for you, the first time you kissed, the first time you exchanged “I love you’s”, how you got engaged, or anything lovey-dovey, I’m your girl. I pore over pictures of couples on Facebook and Tumblr. I re-tweet Tweets and “like” loving Facebook statuses. I’m the girl that will look at your entire album of vacation pictures, random Saturday together pictures, engagement pictures and wedding pictures and even HS prom photos. I love to see two people in love.

When I was younger, after asking married couples how they met, got engaged, etc…I always asked “How did you know he/she was the one you were supposed to marry?” The answer was always the same “You just know.”

This perplexed me. I didn’t want to leave such a big decision up to just knowing. I wanted a clear manifestation of Jesus Christ holding up a sign with an arrow pointing to the man I was supposed to marry. I wasn’t going to rely on a “feeling”. My feelings had gotten me into emotional trainwrecks in the past so no way was I trusting them with the most important relationship of my natural life.

Still, I had nothing to hang onto in my relationships (real and psuedo) except “just knowing” for whatever reason that I was NOT going to marry this person I was dating.  That didn’t stop me from becoming emotionally invested of course — blame my runaway feelings. But I knew at the end of my infatuation reality would set in before I ever even considered marriage.

I used to pray “Jesus I need you to physically point him out.”

I wasn’t sure who, what, when, where or how, but I knew I would meet a man who loved me and Jesus would make sure I knew he was it.

Now, here I am engaged.

I remember the first time I thought to myself I was going to marry Genuine. It was long before he proposed to me — which is typical for most girls but not for me. When I became of age, I stopped entertaining the thought of marriage with a guy I was dating unless I was thinking to myself (THIS is why I could never marry this person). I stopped because I thought it put undue pressure on a dating relationship. I realized that if I’ve already decided that I want to marry this guy I’m dating, then when we inevitably breakup, I’m DEVASTATED. Not because I lost my boyfriend, but because I lost my future husband that I had planned to devote my life to! It was all too intense and I preferred to keep things relatively light. I’m like that anyway though. I didn’t learn to drive until I was 15-and-a-half and had my Temporary Permit. Not because I am some stickler for the rules, but I knew I wasn’t allowed to legally drive until I was 16, so why torture myself by learning to drive when I’m 12 and then have to wait for what feels like forever to be able to drive my own car? Patience is a struggle for me so I try not to put myself in too many situations that require it.

So, it was almost against my will how early I realized that I was, in fact, going to marry Genuine.

I cannot trust a man who doesn’t trust in God and I can’t help but trust a man who trusts in God.

Months before we started dating, I came to Genuine’s house for a get-together with some other people from our church. At one point, two of my female friends and I were standing in the hallway talking to him and I noticed the door was open to his bedroom. I sneaked a peek past him and saw a Bible and notebook laying open on his made-up bed. This impressed me, but I didn’t think much of it.

Sometime in our dating relationship, I was at his house and realized that, though I had been there several times before we started dating and more often after we became official, I had never seen much of his house.  “I want to see your house.” I announced randomly. He looked surprised but shrugged and said, “Sure I’ll give you a tour.” He walked me around, pointing out things I may have missed in the living room and kitchen which I’d already seen and then he showed me the finished basement, the spare bedrooms then his own bedroom. (I am obsessed with closets, and his walk-in closet is huge!) We had been in the kitchen cooking before the impromptu tour so he went back to the kitchen to take the food off of the stove. I was right behind him walking out of his room when something caught my eye. It was his Bible and notebook laying on his made-up bed and immediately I flashed back to the get-together at his house. I saw a folded up sheet of computer paper laying on top of the Bible and I picked it up as he was walking back into the room. “Hey what’s this? Can I read it?” I asked being my characteristically nosy self. He hesitated then said “Sure.”

I unfolded the paper and the first words on top of the sheet were “Abba, Alissa belongs to You.” (There is an entire long story that our Pastor tells about praying “Abba I belong to You” over your life every day, but I won’t go into it except to say that Abba means “Father” and it refers to God.) Bewildered, I quickly skimmed the page. I suddenly realized I was holding in my hand a sheet of paper, single-spaced, typed, top-to-bottom that was a prayer Genuine had typed out and prayed over my life (unbeknownst to me) every single day.

I. Lost. It.

I’m not a crier and (outside of church or being absolutely furious) I cry in front of no one. But that day, as I sat in a chair in his room (I had to sit to keep from collapsing), I read this prayer he had been praying over my life and I cried.

I cried because I realized for the first time just how much Genuine cared about me. I cried because he unselfishly prayed for me — Not a “and God, bless Alissa” at the end of his normal prayers, but a concerted, thoughtful, genuine conversation with God on my behalf. I cried because his love for me surpassed anything I had ever felt. I cried for every time I had asked God when would it be my turn to have someone love me. I cried for everything I had lost in search of less than the man sitting in front of me at that moment. I cried because God honored my waning faith that an even better man than the kind of man I wanted existed outside of my head. I cried because it was as though Jesus had manifested holding a sign over Genuine’s head with an arrow pointing to him.
I cried because my guard had been irrevocably shattered and I knew at that moment this was it. He was IT.

I just knew. 

“Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised.” -Song of Solomon 8:6-7


28 thoughts on “The Moment I Knew: A Love Story of My Own

  1. Jennifer Elise says:

    “I didn’t learn to drive until I was 15-and-a-half and had my Temporary Permit. ” 17 for me–I liked the chauffeured life!

    “Patience is a struggle for me so I try not to put myself in too many situations that require it.” Ditto!

    “I cried because God honored my waning faith that an even better man than the kind of man I wanted existed outside of my head.” YES! How beautiful (: I’m a sucker for love too–now that I’m in it. And I’m absolutely positive that my babe is my perfect mate. Isn’t it wonderful?

    Like

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    Like

  3. starita34 says:

    A. MaZe. ING.

    “I cried for every time I had asked God when would it be my turn to have someone love me. I cried for everything I had lost in search of less than the man sitting in front of me at that moment. I cried because God honored my waning faith that an even better man than the kind of man I wanted existed outside of my head.”

    Powerful, perspective giving, tear inducing stuff. A thousand congratulations to you and Genuine.

    Like

  4. Angel Blanca says:

    I saw this as a RT by @OneChele. I’ve never heard of anything so beautiful in my four-plus decades. You are well and truly blessed, and your sharing this story has given me strength to keep believing. Thank you, sincerely and truly.

    Like

  5. Memi says:

    Hello!!

    I absolutely LOVEEE this post! I see that you love engagement stories and weddings! I am a wedding blogger and when you get a chance feel free to check out my blog (www.bcgeventdecor.blogspot.com) it’s full with love stories, how-to’s, engagement stories, and vendor interviews! I hope you enjoy it, thanks so much!

    Like

  6. Christie (@ciqua) says:

    I lost it when I read this!! I can TOTALLY relate to your story, it’s CRAZY!! See how God..wow…. So lately I’ve been telling God, when, and how? Bc like you I’m the girl who keeps it light, that just knows this isn’t the one.

    And I’ve been wondering when will I meet the one and how will it be! But this….this right here….woooww….

    Your story just helped reenforce my faith to wait. Though I might be a little impatient still. But for a man of God beyond expectation. Yes, I will keep waiting and working for God.

    Like

  7. Flyy says:

    I can’t be shedding tears at work! Omg. This… wow.

    This was also ALL me: “I [want] a clear manifestation of Jesus Christ holding up a sign with an arrow pointing to the man I [am] to marry.”

    Like

  8. Shea (@SheaMingo) says:

    If this wasn’t on point and on time for me, I don’t know what is!!

    This is so true for me: “Patience is a struggle for me so I try not to put myself in too many situations that require it.”

    Like

  9. Alan Grigsby says:

    Alissa!!! This is beautiful!!!! I was on google searching for “love images” and I found the one at the end of this post. Which then redirected me to your blog.. OMGoodness!!!! I have chills. May God continue to bless the union you and “Genuine” have. Wow! Speechless.

    Like

  10. ittakesapair says:

    Oh my goodness!!!
    Ok, I’ll try to keep my comment coherent because I’m so excited. lol! Right now I’m laying in a hotel room in Toronto bemoaning the fact that I can’t go back to NY (home) today like I want to (long story). In the midst of my woe is me state of mind, I get the sense that in it all, God has a reason for keeping me here longer than I need to be.

    I just recently ended a ‘non-relationship’ after deciding that if I’m indeed trusting God for my life partner, I need to stop dilly dallying in dudes that I JUST KNOW are/will not be IT.

    When folks would ask what I want, I would say to them ‘I want a guy who doesn’t just go to church… Heck I want a guy who PRAYS for ME!!! I’d say that, but somehow life made it seem so far fetched… and then I stumbled on your ‘non-relationship’ article on Madame Noir and (I NEVER do this) decided to see who the author is and even click on the link to their blog.

    Alissa if for nothing else, I feel i was supposed to read your articles today as confirmation that my heart’s desire is very much possible. I most likely wouldn’t have read them back in NY, being so busy and all.

    So I’ll end it by saying God Bless you! and Thank you! keep blogging ❤

    http://www.ittakesapair.wordpress.com

    Like

  11. Elina says:

    Wow. I don’t want to repeat what everyone has already said, because what’s the point in that, but I can’t help but do the same exact thing.
    I found your article the same way as someone else, while searching for Love images, and I was especially touched by the same lines that someone already quoted above:

    “I cried for every time I had asked God when would it be my turn to have someone love me…I cried because God honored my waning faith that an even better man than the kind of man I wanted existed outside of my head.”

    You are wonderful with describing feelings that seem indescribable, and even better at bringing out emotions from your readers. Keep writing, please!

    Like

  12. Kerry says:

    Love this! Your posts make me feel like I’m reading about my own life. :). I’m engaged and God brought me the perfect mate for me, after a bunch of duds I had picked out on my own. :). I love your “why am I not preparing post” too…completely describes me. And also the post about moving into his house, because that’s what I will do after our wedding, too. I just followed you on Pinterest and Twitter…love your stuff. 🙂

    Like

  13. about internet says:

    Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Many thanks, However I am experiencing troubles with your RSS.
    I don’t know the reason why I cannot subscribe to it. Is there anybody having identical RSS issues? Anybody who knows the solution will you kindly respond? Thanx!!

    Like

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