#TeamMarriage…and the Backward Society Who Is Against It

Marriage seems to be the enemy of my generation and I don’t understand why. People are fine playing marriage, but when it comes to actually getting married a lot of people are inexplicably against it or they insist that people need to wait, wait, and wait some more to tie the knot.

I think – black people specifically – would do better to stop encouraging one another to delay marriage. Especially because people playing house are the problem — spreading kids, STDs and emotional wreckage around like peanut butter on a slice of bread.

Today, more than 70 percent of African-American children are born to unwed mothers.  In 2009, more than half of the 40-thousand people in the US diagnosed with HIV were black.

How backward is our society?

I’m just over it.

I’m over my peers having sex for sport with an unthinkable amount of partners (with and without protection) yet looking down their nose at me as if I’m the one making the mistakes here.

I’m over people saying I shouldn’t marry a guy before having sex with him. Sex in a dating relationship is artificial closeness. Too often it just glosses over real, glaring issues and causes two people to remain together way longer than they should because sex has completely clouded their judgment.

I’m over people saying I should live with a guy before I commit to marrying him. Your longtime, live-in boyfriend balks at the idea of marrying you (unless he is discussing some far off future along with owning a Bugatti and being president of the United States) yet my choices are a #FAIL?

I’m over people saying I’m too young to get married yet inviting me to their 17-year-old niece’s baby shower.

I’m over people talking about “black love” but showcasing people who just live together and/or have kids together. That’s not love to me. When did what we used to be embarrassed by become something we aspire toward?

I’m just over it.

You don’t believe in marriage? Okay.

Well I don’t believe there is any alternative to marriage — except shacking up, single motherhood (or abortions), emotional attachments, un-marriable men, or being alone for the rest of your life. And I don’t believe in any of those things.

I believe in love and in honor and in fidelity and in commitment. I believe in finding that person you want to be with for the rest of your life…and marrying him.

7 thoughts on “#TeamMarriage…and the Backward Society Who Is Against It

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  1. I’m totally in support of marriage. It’s an institution and has every value to society even though ppl think it doesn’t. It’s easier to say ‘I don’t want to get married’ (even if you do) for the fear of being alone. Is making you say some isht like. if (s)he doesn’t want to be married, and you do, no matter how much you love someone they aren’t right for you. Marriage is more than a piece of matter (lame excuse), a tax break (valueable some but still lame), or something that white folk do (*blank stare* crickets) it’s the willingness to commit and be honest in a relationship that society tell us shouldn’t last. I’m all in #teamblack love


  2. Wow, this is God-blessed, on-time, courageous, and fabulous! Go Alissa! Now reading your blog after many months, I see that you are a woman of God about her business! So lovely to read!!

    God bless your union !!


  3. I think you have some points, such as the financial and support side. However, what I disagree with is that you need a piece of paper to express your true love and commitment to someone, a special day that confirms it. I am in a long term relationship, and my guy wants to get married, but I don’t yet. He’s fine with this, but I think it sometimes adds unnecessary pressure to a relationship. Like its an inescapable inevitability.
    I’m also not one for one night stands, having many sexual partners, but I think it’s fine to have sex in a loving, close relationship. I also think it’s fine to feel empowered by this- however we do use contraception and are extremely safe, but because we are in a loving relationship, there’d be no doubt that we could safely bring a child into the world.


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