The Apology

“An apology might help, but you can change your life without one.” -Robin Quivers

The heartfelt apology.

The sincere “I’m sorry”.

The “Darn, I screwed up but I’m hoping you’ll forgive me.”

Even the casual, “About that…yeah, my bad.”

Does that ever happen in real life?

Does the guy (that guy) ever come back and apologize? No, not just in a quest to get back together or a desperate last ditch effort to get you out of your pants, but just because he realizes what a jerk he was to you undeservedly and; therefore, genuinely feels remorse?

I’ve seen it in the movies and in Part 1 of the two-part Sex and the City finale on HBO, but it happens in real life too…right? The guy who dogged you so bad, you’d nearly sworn off men for life. The one who disappeared on you without explanation after months of constant contact. Or the one who you wished would disappear as he flaunted his new love in your face. Or the one who talked wedding rings and kids with you only for you to find out via Facebook that he was already engaged to some bobblehead chick from high school. The one who decided the only thing better than a friend with benefits is a new friend whose benefits he hadn’t experienced. Does that guy ever feel bad about what he did? Does he ever try to make it right?

Personally, I’ve been waiting on the apology for almost three years now. Well, not actively waiting — I stopped doing that about a year and a half ago. But, in the rare times I’ve ever let myself think about it, I’ve fantasized about running into him, getting a phone call, or even a simple text containing two words: “I’m sorry”. (I’ve watched too many movies, I know.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve moved on in every way possible, but it’s never too late to respect a guy who truly feels remorse and isn’t too proud to admit it. None of us can rewrite history, but sincere apologies have a way of glazing over the negative parts.

I’d much rather have the luxury of remembering a guy as someone whom things just didn’t work out with rather than remembering him as an unrepentant jerk. I swear, if men knew how much good an authentic apology would do, women’s phones everywhere would be vibrating off the table with honorable, mature men who have laid aside their pride and put someone else’s feelings above their own – even if just for a moment.

Marriage and relationship counselors say that apologies are necessary to sustain a lasting, healthy relationship, but if the relationship is beyond sustaining, isn’t apologizing still just simply the decent thing to do? Heck, if my purse accidentally bumps the lady next to me in line at Starbucks, I quickly mutter out an “I’m sorry”. Is that too much to expect from the guy who emotionally threw me off a cliff? Why does someone I used to have a relationship with get a pass for being more rude to me than the stranger who stepped on my foot in line at a football game? There’s something wrong with that!

Unfortunately, despite its necessity or my desire, the apology I spent so long hoping for will probably never come. Mostly because it would require an acknowledgment of wrongdoing, and, unfortunately, I don’t think many men ever get there…at least not the hollow men I’ve dated.

Luckily, like Robin Quivers said in the quote I posted above, I was able to change my life without an apology from him. I repented to myself for subjecting my heart to such inhumane treatment on a regular basis and finally moved on with a man who has no need to apologize.

And I’m not sorry at all about that.

Comment here or tweet me @AlissaHenryTV :)

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