I’ve always loved this poem. It speaks to me now more than ever. Sometimes I wonder about the road not taken.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
— Robert Frost 1915
For some reason I feel like I’m going to meet the love of my life in 2010. I don’t know why. Maybe because I like the way the numbers look. 2-0-1-0…it just seems so….LUCKY. Like I could play the lottery and win it all with those numbers. I like even numbers anyway, but 2010 just makes me think a lot is in store. I’m looking forward to that year. A new year, a new decade, a new love. It just fits 🙂
(((SIDENOTE: It’s not 2010 yet though, so I’m definitely making the best of what’s left in 2009.)))
“Anyone can give up. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” –Unknown
I think about my life and all that has happened in the past six months. If I wanted to, I could use it as a crutch or as a reason to not get out of bed in the morning.
People would understand.
They would say, “She’s a mess. But that’s understandable. Her dad died. The guy she loved broke her heart. Her sister drives her crazy. Her mom lives far away. She doesn’t make that much money at her job.” There is a list of excuses that I can make for myself. And people will make those excuses for me. I have the choice to lean on those excuses — one arm on one side, the other on the other side and hobble through life doing the bare minimum. Or I can throw those crutches to the side and walk on my own two feet.
Still Standing by Monica is one of my favorite songs. In it Ludacris raps: “Still standing like the Statue of Liberty”. I love that line. That’s what I’m going to do: stand. Besides, who needs people to feel sorry for them? Certainly not me. I figure people are going to talk behind my back anyway. I’d much rather people say “Wow. I can’t believe she made it after all she’s been through.”
I’m not making excuses for failure in my life. Things are hard. A lot of things aren’t fair. I make mistakes. I get chopped and screwed. And in those times, I allow myself to scream in my car, cry in the bathroom stall or furiously tweet rants on Twitter. But after that 30-seconds to two minutes passes, it’s time to pull myself together and move on.
Every day I have a choice: I can make excuses or I can make progress.
The choice is easy. Especially when you have this memorized: Excuses are tools of incompetence that build monuments of nothingness and those who specialize in using them seldom amount to anything at all.
The truth is, I’m blessed. God has blessed me tremendously. It’s when I take my eyes off the blessings in my life and start focusing on the things I want or what someone else has, that’s when I get discouraged. Yes, bad things happen. But, good things happen too. I’m thankful for that.
Where do dreams go to die? Where do they go to get the possibility sucked out of them? Where is the land of dreams unfulfilled?
I want to know, so I can stay far away from that place.
I fear. I fear being one of those people who had so many dreams and aspirations yet ends up working 40hrs a week as the supervisor at the Post Office. No one aspires to do that, so how do they end up that way? How does someone end up being the customer service rep at Insight Cable? I go to pay my bill, but can’t help staring at the woman behind the counter forcing myself not to ask her: “What happened? How did this become your life?” I want to ask the middle-aged Walmart cashier “what happened?”
I want to know, so I can be sure what happened to them doesn’t happen to me. Continue reading “The Land of Dreams Unfulfilled”
“And [Jesus] replied to [the disciples], This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer and fasting. – Mark 9:29
I think I’m going to begin a fast this week. I haven’t fasted in FOREVER. I used to fast all the time – I would fast something 40 days around Easter; fast meat and sweets for 21 days in January; fast all solid food for a day or three here and there in undergrad. Lately though, in the past year or two, I haven’t fasted at all. I feel like God has been telling me I should go on a fast and commit myself to prayer and reading the Bible for a period of time.
I’ve been struggling with some things and I just want to be free from them for good.
Fasting isn’t a hunger strike against God, demanding that he make a change. Fasting brings a heightened spiritual awareness and attentiveness to God. Some people fast TV watching, some fast junk food, some fast everything except water. Some fasts last half a day to more than 40 days. I know a guy who fasted solid food for 40 days straight.
I’m not doing that.
But I do think some fast is necessary in my life right now. Continue reading “Going Back to the Drawing Board”
I have a stand-off with some sort of insect in my apartment once every few weeks. They can last for up to an hour. I am a thousand times bigger than them but I’m petrified.
Today’s scary insect? A ladybug.
I’m supposed to go to Halloween at OU tonight. The Halloween party at Ohio University is a statewide party where people who go to OU, used to go to OU, or know someone’s brother/cousin/uncle who went to OU all come to campus and kick it ALL night…and then some. Don’t forget that extra hour!
I attended OU for four years and only went once (my senior year). I had a BALL. I wore my cheerleading uniform from my junior year of highschool (poms, ribbons, spanx and all) :
Shoutouts to Jonesboro High School!!!
Having no expectations means that I cannot be disappointed. I’m done with disappointment because I’m done expecting things out of people & situations.
The only person I need to expect something out of is God and he has yet to disappoint me.
I had fun hanging with the [haven’t thought of a name for him yet]. He came to my apt and we chilled and talked for about two or three hours. He is tall, Christian, cute and nice and older. Sounds perfect huh? He seems like an all-around great guy. I’m not sure if he’s feeling me. I never can tell. I am relentless in hope even though he’s been doing the push/pull for a few months now. I wonder when I’ll hear from him again. Maybe I’ll hear from him before 2010.
Truthfully, guys do this to me all the time.
The other night, I was sitting at home alone chilling and watching Friends on DVD (I LOVE that show). Suddendly, I decided to go back to work. I figured I could get some work done and get ahead for the next day.
Once I got to my desk, I thought about how silly it was that I was sitting at work all alone on a Thursday night trying to get ahead. I need a life, I remember thinking to myself. Then, like the social networking junkie that I am, I updated my Facebook status: “Who puts on sweats and goes to the office at 10pm to do work? #thelifeofasinglegirl.” A few days later, one of my guy friends commented on my status: “So are you saying you wouldn’t do that if you weren’t single? Thats silly.” At first I was annoyed at his statement, but then I began to think…
Would I be different if I were in a serious relationship?
The best thing about being single is that every day holds the potential to meet a fabulous guy. Even if that guy doesn’t turn out to be the love of my life….or even my love of the month, it’s still nice to always have the opportunity. Every single day while I’m going through my routine, there is the potential to meet a great guy. It’s enough to make me get dressed cute every day. I truly never know who I will see. And even if I don’t meet a guy that day, I can at least go on Skype and flirt with a random guy I initially met on Twitter…
That’s always fun 🙂