Ten Twenty Oh Nine

divorce3When I think about it….I really don’t know what to think.

ATA came over tonight (ATA means All The Above. I call him that because he is. Check off the list). I haven’t hung out with him in forever. I texted him earlier today to say hi and that I miss hanging out with him. He never texted me back, but instead called me tonight and offered to bring over my earrings.

My apt was on “Sauna” because I’m always cold, my clothes that Im washing were strewn all over the living room floor and my bedroom looked like a battlefield because Im always at work and had no time to clean this week. I frantically made my apartment look presentable and he came sooner than I expected. I was wearing the same clothes I had on from work. I looked super nice, but I should’ve changed into something more “visually appealing” for a man. LOL. Oh well.

We talked and laughed for about an hour then his phone rang. A couple minutes later he left. Clearly SHE was calling. Who is “she”. She is the woman I cannot get away from. She pops up in the life of every guy I like. She is his “love”. Trump had her, Stamina had her, Official had her and ATA has her too. It’s so frustrating! I wanna be someone’s love, but it seems every guy already has one. The girl from before he met me. The girl he can’t let go of.

Continue reading “Ten Twenty Oh Nine”

My First Love

“If you love someone and you break up, where does the love go?” – Carrie Bradshaw

first loveI talked to my first love today. I called him and we caught up for about an hour — we just talked about life. Much of our relationship was long distance and I remember talking to him into all hours of the night. It was crazy. We never talked on the phone when we first got together. Then when he moved, that was all we could do. It’s amazing how all that talking made us incredibly close — closer than we probably would have been had we lived in the same city during our entire relationship.

I call him my first love  because he was the first man I was truly in love with and the first one who was truly in love with me (I don’t believe unrequited love is love at all. Love must be mutual to merit the definition.) It’s weird now looking back on the seriousness of  him and my relationship. (It’s worth noting by serious I don’t mean sexual. We dated for 2.5 years and never had sex.) Continue reading “My First Love”

Sweetest Day FAIL

MJZ1583So today is Sweetest Day…whatever that means. I didn’t have a date. But I did ask a guy on a date (first time for everything) and he said no (last time for everything). I don’t think girls should ask guys out on dates. In my case though, I have history with this guy so I didn’t really expect him to say yes anyway….I guess that’s a good and bad thing. It’s  good thing because my hopes weren’t sky-high. I was really only doing it to prove to myself and my friend that I wasn’t lying when I said the only person I wanted to go on a date with would certainly say no. It’s a bad thing because I’m like, “would it really kill you to spend an hour or two with me?”. Ugh. I will say though, he let me down easy. Said he had other plans (but made no effort to reschedule). I need to remember that when I’m letting men down myself. I normally go the “ignore him until he gets a clue” route. Not sure which is worse at this point.

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Welcome to my blog

I guess every blog is supposed to have an introductory paragraph. My name is Alissa. I hail from the great state of Ohio (the heart of it all…whatever that means, lol). I recently graduated from college and was slapped in the face by the reality of life less than two weeks later. (Thankfully, God is in control.)

The title of this blog comes from my best friend, Shannon. In college, she and I used to always say “this cannot be my life” when things were going wrong.

In theory, I’ll update this blog every day. That is, if I don’t forget all about it next week haha. I shouldn’t! I use the internet every day so it shouldn’t be hard to jot down at least a couple of sentences on my blog, right? I tend to overshare on the internet (follow me on Twitter: pinkissopretty5), but I’m trying to curb that. We’ll see how that goes. Besides, isn’t that the point of a blog? Idk. Anyway, I hope you enjoy 🙂

-Alissa