How Do You Write a Cursive “H”? and Other Newlywed Observations

So how is married life?

Amazing.

It’s been about three months since Genuine and I got hitched.

Time seemed to move incredibly slow while we were planning the wedding, but since the big day, time has been flying by! I guess it’s true what they say: time flies when you’re having fun.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I got married. I figured the whole living together, sleeping together, sharing a last name thing would be cool…and I was right! Marriage is definitely lingerie, candles and sex, but it’s also sweatpants, DVR, and household chores.

I am fortunate to have married a wonderful man. I’m sure every woman says this about her husband, but I truly believe I have the best husband ever.

In the past several months, there are five things I’ve observed about being married:

1) Changing your last name is a long process

I was standing in the DMV a few days after returning from my honeymoon, giddy to be getting a new driver’s license with my brand-new last name. “Sign here.” The clerk said. I quickly signed my first name, hesitated and asked aloud: “Wait…How do you write a cursive H?”

I’ve never been a fan of my last name, so I was more than willing to immediately adopt my husband’s. However, I wasn’t prepared for the insane amount of red tape involved! I made sure to immediately update the things that matter like my license, bank accounts, credit cards and Facebook, but it seems my maiden last name is on everything and I still have a lot of updating to do. When I’m out doing business and clerks ask my last name, I say “Henry…or you might have Griffith. I just got married.” That is either met with a smile or an eye-roll depending on the person.

2) You’ll Get to Know Each Other Really Well 

If I take medicine on an empty stomach, I get really sick. Like “I’m about to faint” and “Yes, that’s my small intestines on the concrete” sick. It’s been a while since that’s happened, but a few days after we returned from our honeymoon, I stupidly took medicine on an empty stomach. Predictably, during the tail end of a shopping trip together that night, I got that “I’m about to die” feeling. I went outside while he checked us out, but unfortunately, my husband ended up having to step over my sickness to get in the car. (The fact that his small intestines didn’t land next to mine after that attests to his strong stomach.) But oh well. We’re together in sickness and in health!

3) People Are Inexplicably Nosy

My husband and I agreed that we want to enjoy married life before adding little mini-mes to our budget and I have prayed to my God in heaven to hold off on any surprises. Still, this doesn’t stop everyone from asking us when we’re going to have babies. I always want to answer, “Ummm, when I finish unpacking?” This must be human nature for people to ask dating couples when they’re getting engaged, engaged couples when they’re getting married, married couples when they’re having a baby. But, after the baby, then what? When are you going to die? Seriously, people do not stop with the probing questions. Oddly, they aren’t financially invested in any decision we make, so what does it matter? We’ll have kids when I get pregnant and if Jesus loves me at all, which I know He does, that won’t be for a while.

4) Comparison Breeds Guilt or Vanity — Avoid it!

One of my best friends (who is married) gave me a great piece of advice before the wedding “Don’t compare your marriage to anyone else’s.” We’re only a few months in, and I already see why she said that.

When I’m embarking on anything new, I tend to look around to see what other people around me are doing. For instance, if I’m starting a new job, I observe what the other people at the job are wearing and how they behave. This can be a trap when it comes to marriage though because everyone is different thus everyone’s marriage is different. What works for one husband and wife team may not work for us and vice versa. Other couples’ actions in comparison to ours don’t decide if our marriage will succeed or fail. I do try to quietly learn from other women who are wives, but ultimately, it’s best to remind myself that it’s just me and Genuine in this relationship, not 100 other people. What works for us, works for us and what doesn’t, doesn’t.

5) Being Married Feels (a good kind of) Weird

In a way, being married feels like being DONE. Like how I imagine a NYC Marathon runner feels when he wins first place at the finish line after years of training. He is exhausted and deliriously happy and not wanting at all to go back to the days when he could barely jog a single mile. Or how a student feels when he or she has finally graduated after decades of being in school. No more striving, wondering, waiting, or hoping.  I have my husband and he has his wife. I’ve had my share of relationship drama and I am beyond glad to be done with all of that and to just be in love with someone who is in love with me…and not have a wedding to plan haha.

Getting married is a monumental moment in life and it feels very weird and very good to be past that. I actually feel safe and secure — which is odd because I didn’t feel unsafe or insecure before getting married. We had a great dating relationship free of any drama, but being married is like “this is what it is and what it will be”. It’s hard to explain, but it’s really nice.  I feel like I’ve been running around in circles and someone sat me down in a chair for the first time. It feels weird being “settled”, but very, very nice. Of course marriage isn’t some sort of cure-all for every problem I’ve ever had in my life, but it’s definitely nice to have the dating aspect behind me.

All things considered, marriage is fantastic and if the past three months are any indication of the future…well, in the words of Oprah: “my future is so bright, it burns my eyes” 🙂