At the risk of sounding incredibly naive, I truly thought the injuries from my accident would last for six weeks total. Laying in the hospital, I assumed I’d have some significant recovery time, but I figured I would be back to regular life like nothing happened in six weeks. I figured I’d be back in a car, back walking around and maybe even back in my heels and training for a full marathon by now.
Seven weeks have passed and I’m just now able to simply rest my foot on the ground without having to endure extreme pain.
I’m still wearing this boot, still hobbling around on crutches, still wrapping my wound (that is still seeping!). I’m still needing my husband to help me in and out of the car. I still need him to help me in and out of the house. I’m still wearing a plastic bag on my foot in the shower. Still wearing this heavy boot. Still needing rides. Still having to sleep with my foot elevated on a pillow. Still having to hop around the house when I forget something in a different room. Still unable to move around the kitchen to cook. Still unable to get dressed in a timely fashion. Still attracting stares everywhere I go. Still swinging open doors and trying to rush inside before it slams back on me. Still balancing on one foot while brushing my teeth and washing my face. Still having to explain what happened to everyone that asks. I think I’ve told “the car accident” story 1,588 times. I should start embellishing it Brian Williams-style. (That joke is for all of you fellow news geeks!!) I still don’t know when I will get my boot off. Still don’t know when all of this will be over. I do know one thing though: it won’t be over a moment too soon!
I’m trying to have patience but it’s hard to wait! Especially when I’m waiting much longer than I initially anticipated.
On the flip side, I’m in no rush to move to the next step in my healing process because I am absolutely terrified of doing too much too fast. I don’t want to be dealing with this injury for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be that person who “used to” run or “used to” wear high heels or “used to” walk without a limp. I don’t want to be that person explaining that my foot has never been the same since my accident ten years ago.
I want to get this over with and I want it to be over like it never happened!
I have made some significant progress for sure, but it is painfully slow process. Since the accident, Christmas has come and gone. New Years has come and gone. January has come and gone. February is here and my third-year wedding anniversary is right around the corner. I wanted so bad to be walking without this boot at least by then! Unfortunately, I don’t even go back to the doctor until a week after that.
It could be worse though. The injuries could have been worse. The prognosis could have been worse. The recovery time could be worse.
God is still Faithful and through this process He is teaching me patience. He’s slowing me down. And He’s given me a compassion that I didn’t even know I didn’t possess. I’ve always thought of myself as a pretty compassionate and understanding person. But there are some bitter drinks you can’t begin to understand until you’ve tasted them. And while I’m stuck crying over my shot glass, others are drowning in what is comparably an ocean with permanent, sudden, debilitating disability. My heart goes out to them!
And, you know what, of all the things I am “still” dealing with, I am also still thankful.
And I’ll be even more thankful when all of this is over.