Do you ever have those dreams that seem real? No unicorns, headless bodies or falling fifteen stories, I mean real dreams. Those dreams that you mention to your friends as though the events actually happened and they say, “Uhhh that never happened. Maybe you dreamed it.” I have those types of dreams on occasion. Last night was one of those occasions.
The dream was so real… Continue reading
My first instinct is to run.
Because that’s what I do. That’s what I’ve always done. When I was younger and my life kept changing against my will, I learned instead of being sad about change to flip that change to my advantage; to expect it; to cause it; to inflict change on myself. I realized my own capacity to quickly adjust to change and I decided to use change in order to keep myself from having to deal with adverse situations and people. (I think this is why I could never fathom suicide. To me, people are not hopeless, situations are. If I don’t like a situation, I will change my role in it.). Continue reading
I think I’m as over him as I will ever be.
I don’t know that I’ll ever get to the place where I have zero feelings for him. There is too much that happened with us and way too much that didn’t. I cared too much back then to not care at all now.
BUT, at the same time, I think there is a getting over that means thinking of the good memories of him with a smile (that isn’t longing) and thinking of the bad memories with a shaking head in disbelief (not hurting).
I feel much better now that I’ve given up hope.
Maybe this is what they call Acceptance.
A couple of weeks ago, my ex-boyfriend, Authentic, texted me out of the clear blue sky and said,
“Hey, I’m not sure if you knew already but I got engaged two weeks ago.”
I had no clue.
And, because I’m an emotional cutter, today I decided to log onto my Myspace account (for the first time in forever) and check out the woman he is marrying. Continue reading
